You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
