Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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