I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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