you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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