I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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