Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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