does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
do herpes really smell.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
