TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
