Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
