id be glad to
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize