I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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