At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
