You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
