dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?