when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car