you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence