Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
