never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
