so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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