Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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