You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
