I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
