I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
