Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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