Nicole vs. Life
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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