I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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