We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
