Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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