I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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