maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize