UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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