I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i've created a new STD.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
