cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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