Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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