sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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