meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
