Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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