cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
