Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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