Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
