i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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