Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
