I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
