Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
