put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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