I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
