She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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