he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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