No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
