I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
