It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
