So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
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