Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
