If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we made out on top of his cat.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
