Im at strip club and am horny
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
