I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What drink are we having for lunch?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
