she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
