Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
