Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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