I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
