Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize