I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
