nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
