She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
