We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
