So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
