i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
